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Monday, February 02, 2009

Okay, NOW I've Heard Everything...

Tough economic times are forcing businesses to compete harder than ever for consumer dollars. People are buying less, spending less, and curtailing extravagant vacations.

So if you're a corrupt, bloated, scandal-ridden bureaucracy that caters to violent left-wing nations and socialist agendas, you've got to dig even deeper to ensure that those billions of dollars of mismanageable funds keep rolling in.

And what better way to do that than capitalizing on the human tragedies of the world that you whine about other people (read, the United States) solving, but do absolutely nothing to solve?

Enter the new vacation spot for the rich and completely disconnected - the U.N.'s new Refugee Run!

That's right, if you're a wealthy European with a hankering to live like the unwashed (but only until you get a craving for escargots and Pernod...) this is the place for you.

Where else can you spend your day in the squalor of a refugee tent from Darfur, Afghanistan, or Iran, and your nights relaxing in the jacuzzi of your luxurious hotel in the Swiss mountains?

Think I'm kidding? Not a chance.

I'm waiting for the U.N. to take some other opportunities it's got out there. I mean, if you're going to cross a line, cross it, dammit! Think about the possibilities. How about:

The African Famine Cafe
Where your lunch is hand-delivered to your table by a starving child. Remember, don't feed the natives!

The Tsunami Water Park
Featuring a wave pool filled with real tsunami debris and replica bloated bodies

The Holocaust House of Horrors
Wander through a terrifying journey filled with moving floors, rooms filled with mirrors, and twisted Nazi scientists as you try to avoid being one of 6 million Jews who may or may not have been murdered by a psychopathic dictator (depending on who you ask). Children under 12 get their own replica yellow star to take home...

Stalin Village
Visit the guest center, where you can play "Raze the village." Challenge other families to see who can wipe out thousands of innocent people first. Are you paranoid enough to beat Stalin's score? And when you're done playing, you can take your picnic lunch out to the perfectly flat, barren wasteland to eat, and enjoy your lunch on what was once a vibrant, thriving village before Stalin ordered everyone killed and the village buried. Visit on his birthday for special discounts!

The 9/11 Fair
What better way to commemorate the deaths of 3,000 innocent people at the hands of Islamic terrorists than a rousing game of Blame America! At the 9/11 Fair, you can learn how to divert aid funds to radical groups, and how to make bland statements denouncing terrorism, all the while condoning nations supporting terrorist groups. It's non-stop hypocritical fun for the entire family. The fair runs the month of September. Negotiations are underway to purchase the soon-to-be-closed Gitmo detention facility for terrorists, in order to allow the fair to be run year round!

Ah, the possibilities are endless.

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